It's about time!!!

Yesterday Shawn and I went down late to try out the new schedule. He is switching to 10 hour work days four days a week next week so we will have to wait until 8pm to go down to visit after evening shift change. I hated having to wait to long to see my baby girl, but it was all worth it once we got down there. THEY ARE GIVING HER BREAST MILK!!!!! YAY! They started her on 1 cc of breast milk every hour to see how she does. She is still getting her TPN to make sure she gets all the nutrients that she needs but if she does well then they can increase the amount of breast milk and hopefully get her off the TPN soon. The breast milk thing is extra good news because it means 1) the gas in her belly has gone down enough they feel safe feeding her and 2) hopefully she will start gaining weight even better. As of last night she was 1030 grams which is just over 2 pounds 4 ounces which is super fantastic! I am so excited about the whole thing. The only thing that I was a little disappointed with was that when we saw the nurse refill the syringe with milk it was my real milk and not my colostrum. I said something to the night nurse and she said the day nurse must have grabbed the fist bottle they saw, but she would make a note about it and just to be sure I called the day nurse this morning just to make sure she was aware to use it first. Other than that is was a fabulous night all around!

Thank you!

Just a quick note- I want to say thank you to everyone who has been helping out! We have been crazy busy and I haven't had a chance to call and thank everyone personally, but some people have sent checks to help out with the gas costs and I want to make sure that you know we really appreciate it! Money is super tight and driving the hill everyday is very expensive- especially with gas over $4 a gallon. The checks are really helping us right now and I am sorry that I haven't been able to personally thank you, but we are very grateful for the help. Also I was to say a very special thank you to my sister Christi who came out for a week to help me out and drive me around since I still can't drive because of the c-section. She was absolutely wonderful. She even got Kennedy's dresser painted and it looks awesome! I hope to get some pics up soon.
So to everyone- Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

HAPPY TWO WEEKS OLD!

Well today is Sunday which means that Kennedy is another week older and 1 week closed to being home. She has done really well this week and made lots of progress. As of today's visit she weighs 1 pound 13 ounces (7 ounces more than when she was born) and measures 13 inches long (.75 inches more than when she was born). She has taken to kangarooing very well and I have been able to hold her everyday since Friday. Daddy is still a little too nervous to hold her just yet, but hopefully she and I will be able to talk him into it soon. They are talking starting her on some breast milk on Tuesday and seeing how she does. Today we went through all the clothing gifts we have received and we are all set for everything from newborn size thru 9 months and also we have gotten quite a few nice blankets so if anyone was to get her a gift we are are all set on clothing but we could use a pack of receiving blankets or some some of the things off the registry. I will try and have it updated by wednesday with all the essential items we are still missing. Also she really like it when I sing or tell her stories so today we got her "Where the Wild Things Are" and "Corduroy"-Two of my childhood favorite books so if you want to get a her a gift a book would be much apprecatied so I can have new things to read to her. Also as some of you are away we cancelled my baby shower that was supposed to be on Saturday, but we hope to have a big Welcome home party when she is released from the hospital.

Here are some pics from the last couple days:

Uncle Mike meets Kennedy

Kennedy Loves to Kangaroo

Pretty Girl

Daddy holding Kennedy's Hand

The flowers Dan and Elizabeth sent- oh so pretty!

Kennedy's Two Weeks Old Picture

Well, I didn't get to hold Kennedy last night. They had her breathing tube down too far and she wasn't oxygenating well so they had to fix it and she was a little stressed from it so we pretty much left her alone and just watched her and talked to her. Also they did a culture on the secretions from her throat and said that there were some "organisms growing in her lungs" This kind of freaked me out and also made me thing of the movie Alien a little bit, but basically what it means is she may have an small infection and that they are going to start her on antibiotics to be safe. Once the more resutlts are back it may show it was nothing and they can take her off the antibiotics. Now I don't want anyone to get worried because that nurse practitioner said that it it completely normal for this to happen. Because she has a breathing tube in it kind of acts as a highway for bacteria to go to her lungs which is why they try to get the babies off the ventilator as soon as possible, but since she is so little they want to be extra carefull about taking it out. They are not concerned and said we can still touch her and even hold her if we like so if it was serious they would have made her more off limits than that. Other then those two things she is doing very well and gained more weight. She is back up to 800 grams so a little over 1 pound 12 ounces.

The best day ever!

Tuesday we had a good visit. Even though Kennedy lost two ounces she was doing really well and had finally pooped again. My sister Christi came out from Arizona to help out and she drove Shawn and I down to the hospital and also got to meet her niece for the first time.

Yesterday, Wednesday, Shawn and I went down a little early and we got to talk with the nurse practitioner on duty for Kennedy. She said everything was looking great! Kennedy has been pooping like crazy and that the delay was probably just because she was so small and premature, but now her system seems to be catching up. The barium moved to the same point in one day as it took a whole week to move with the last enema so that's pretty fantastic. The gas in her belly is almost gone except for two large pockets they are still watching, but it only warrants an x-ray every 24 hours now. That's a good thing to not have my poor child exposed to so much radiation. Her blood sugars are stable, the valve in her heart closed up like it was supposed to, and they did an ultrasound on her head and couldn't see any brain bleeds which she says usually show up by now. Also Kennedy gained an ounce back so she is 1pound 11 ounces again. All of it was really good news but did it make it the best day ever? Nope! This did:

THAT'S RIGHT!!! Ten days after my daughter was born I finally got to hold her! OH it was the BEST experience so far. She was so soft and warm. I kissed her head at least 5 times. She was a little bit squirmy which was cool because I could really feel how strong she is and she opened her eyes really big and was trying to see stuff. I cried. We forgot our camera yesterday so the nurse managed to find one and print these pictures out for us. To be able to hold my daughter it was completely indescribable-- the feelings I had were so amazing. I can't wait to go back today to hold her again. The nurse said she was taking well to the kangarooing. Oh yeah and they said they were going to start her on the breast milk sometime next week :0) A totally awesome, amazing, wonderful day.

New Pix

Kennedy loves holding her ear

Aunt Christi meets Kennedy

Kennedy 6 days old

Jenn's visit with her pixie

2 visits in one day :0)

Today 1 got to see Kennedy twice. My mom took me down this morning to get my staples out. The doctor went over the pathology report for my placenta with me and got a little more in depth this time. He called it plactenal insufficiency and said I need to remember it in case I get pregnant again. He said there is a good chance the same thing would happen and I would have to be monitored very closely, but honestly right now I can't see myself ever trying for another baby. When Kennedy is home safe I will be completely happy with my one miracle baby. I can imagine having to go through this ever again. Maybe a few years down the road I might change my mind, but right now there is no way. He said my placenta was prematurely aged and that parts looked like 32 weeks and parts looked 37 weeks and some parts were already dead. When I asked him about the rash I developed the day after I came home he told me it was PUPPS which he found very interesting because that is something unique to the very end of pregnancy. He said it looked like my whole body thought it was time for my pregnancy to be over even though I was only 30 weeks when I delivered.

After they took the staples out my mom and I went up to NICU and she got to meet Kennedy for the first time. She couldn't get over how tiny she is. The second visit with just me and Shawn was a little harder. Shawn has been my pillar of strength since the Friday the ultrasound came back as abnormal and our drama began. He has been there for me constantly, he has comforted me, held me and told me everything will be ok, but today it was my turn to be strong. He had a hard day while we were there and is still having a hard time. The reality of the situation starts to bare down on you and the stress gets to be too much and he hasn't had a chance to have a breakdown yet. It's hard for me to see him hurt this way. I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could make our daughter better so she didn't have to go through all this and he didn't have to see her go through it.

Kennedy's daily report was good. She is up to 799grams which is just over 1 pound 12 ounces. The decided not to go an upper GI with barium and are going to do another barium enima tomorrow. He blood sugar is still under control and she is still on a low level of oxygen. The nurse said I might be able to hold her in the next couple of days.

Good News All Around!

Sorry I haven't posted anything new in a couple days. Making the drive to Loma Linda, keeping up with pumping and trying to get some rest in between has been harder than I thought. I have overdone it the last couple days and I am feeling it. Today I go to get my staples out so I am going to have to be extra careful. Thank goodness my sister will be here tomorrow. In case anyone hasn't heard we are going forward with the baby shower as planned for this weekend so I look forward to seeing everyone there and I have lots of pictures of Kennedy to share!

Ok so here is the news on our darling little girl- Saturday Shawn, Dan (Shawn's Dad) and I went down and had a great visit with Kennedy. She was doing so well. She had gained again bringing her to 1 pound 10.5 ounces so that always makes mommy and daddy happy :0) Dave and Jenn came down as well and got to meet her for the first time. Jenn is Miss Super photographer and took a bunch of great pictures which I got to see last night. While looking through them I stopped at this one and started crying.

It's my daughter and she is so incredibly beautiful. I look at this and can feel close to her even when I am an hours drive away. I can't thank Jenn enough for this. She has no idea how much it means to me. Don't worry grandmas and grandpas The prints are ordered and will be on their way to you shortly.

Yesterday was also an awesome visit. She was one week old. She gained another ounce and is up to 1 pound 11.5ounces. It makes me feel like she will hit the two pound mark in no time. Her blood sugar is under control, she hasn't had to have any transfusions or platelets in two days and her gases in her belly are looking good. They also put in a PICC which I am told will last longer than a standard IV and means they are taking one of the tubes out of her bellybutton. Today they are going to give her barium from above (her mouth) to get a better idea of whats going on in her intestines with the gases and why she isn't pooping much. But overall she is doing well. Hopefully by the end of the week I might get to hold her. I used to be scared to hold newborn babies. I thought babies that weighed 8 pounds were going to break and I wouldn't get near them, but now I would give anything to hold my tiny daughter, to hear her cry in the middle of the night and change even the worst of the poopy diapers.

Nakie Butt Girl

Yesterday we had a fantastic visit with little Miss Kennedy. In the afternoon Shawn, his mom, and myself all drove down to the hospital together and we met Shawn's dad there. He drove form Carpenteria to stay for the weekend and meet his granddaughter. We all went upstairs and while Shawn took his mom in I went in a room to pump. I was only in their for a little bit when Shawn's mom came in and told me that visiting hours were over at 6:30pm. Well we thought we could be there anytime that they weren't doing shift change or rounds, so I freaked. I took apart the pump as fast as I could and ran back to do the 3 minute hand wash so that I might be able to spend at least a minute or two with my baby. The nurse was super nice and said we could stay for a few, but visiting opened back up at 8 after the shift change. Well I was relived cuz I wasn't about to go anywhere without seeing my daughter. I had waited all day and they were going to have to drag me out. After a few minutes Shawn and I left and all of us went to dinner at BJ's Brewery to kill time until we could go back. It was really nice. Just the four of us enjoying a meal and talking. It was a good change of pace for me. A good break from all the stress. When we got back to the hospital Shawn took his dad in and afterwards I went in with his mom.

Kennedy was doing well and was naked as a jay bird. No hat, no eye covers, even her diaper was open. The nurse says she loves being naked. I can't wait to see her little nakie butt running down the hall after a bath. They turned off the lights for the jaundice so she is not a little glow worm anymore. Her oxygen is on a low setting, her blood sugar is stable, and she gained an ounce! She weighs 1 pound 9 ounces now. (700grams) She is our little micro-preemie. A thumbelina. I sang our song to her (Baby Mine from Dumbo) and she was trying so hard to open her eyes. I left the visit for the first time feeling relief and joy about our daughters progress instead of stress and fear. It was an especially nice feeling after such a rough day on Thursday when I had to leave her at the hospital after discharge. I can't wait to go visit her today. I'm hoping to hear some good news about the air in her belly. Hopefully she will have taken a big poo and they will have started to dissipate so they don't have to do x-rays every 8 hours. We did get some pictures yesterday, but they came out a little dark, so once we play with them a little bit to brighten them up we will try and get them up so everyone can see her little face.

Pictures form day 1 and 3

And so it begins...

May 11, 2008 our baby Kennedy was born by c-section 10 weeks early. She was born at 4:52pm weighing 1 pound 6 ounces and measured 12 ¼ inches long. We have created this blog to help keep family and friends updated on her condition.
So I guess I will start with the events leading up to her birth. The following is copied form my journal:

5/11/08
It’s 4:20am Sunday morning- Mother’s Day- and I am writing this in the dark on the back of a scrap of paper with only the glow of Nick@Nite to see by. I am at Loma Linda Hospital. Shawn is Asleep in an empty patient bed next to me. This past night was the first sleep we have had in 40 hours. The nurse woke me up at 2:30am to get my vitals and monitor the baby’s heartbeat. Since then I haven’t been able to fall back asleep. All I can do is wait for the news and pray that today isn’t my first mother’s day as a real mom.
So I guess a little background is in order, so let me catch you up. Friday afternoon at 3:45 Shawn and I went in for a routine ultrasound. The tech was very nice and told us not to worry, but she wanted to call out doctor because the amniotic fluid was too low to measure and Kennedy was measuring only 25 weeks- a full 4 weeks behind my actual 29 week date. The tech called my doctor’s office and they told her to send me to Labor and Delivery. Shawn and I went over to Saint Mary’s thinking we would be in for a few hours of tests and be sent home. Boy were we wrong. They immediately admitted me and placed me in the L&D triage unit. My blood was taken and another ultrasound was done. My doctor had just left town and the doctor covering for him was busy at another hospital so they had to wait for another doctor to come to review the ultrasound. The whole time we were waiting I tried to be as upbeat as possible and Shawn and I hung out and watched tv. When the doctor they got came to see me he told me in a very calm manner that they didn’t have the proper equipment or personnel to accurately diagnose me and that even though everything would probably be fine he was going to transfer me to Loma Linda University Hospital. He told us they were the best place to be for this sort of thing. “This sort of thing” being a high risk pregnancy situation- but I didn’t realize that was what he meant at the time. The nurse said I would have to go by ambulance so Shawn and I decided that he would get some things from home and drive down there with my mom and meet me there. Two and a half hours later the ambulance arrived to pick me up so I called Shawn and he and my mom left. It was my first ambulance ride ever. They were very nice and I was able to get about a half hour of sleep on the ride down. We got to Loma Linda at about 11:30pm and I was put in a room in Labor and Delivery. The resident on duty came and did another ultrasound and decided to admit me. The nurse brought up the paperwork and after I signed all that they sent in a nurse practitioner from the NICU. She talked with us about the potential problems that our baby might face if it was born at 29 weeks. Up to that point I had done a pretty good job of staying calm. I have seen enough baby shows to know that at 30 weeks a baby has a pretty good survival rate if born early and that they could at least give me steroids to help her lungs, but when the NICU nurse was going over everything it was so overwhelming. Even Shawn, by his own words, “almost lost it.” It was 3:30am before all was said and done and we could try to get some rest. Mom went to the waiting room and slept on the floor and Shawn stayed in the room with me and slept in a chair. Really though non of us got more that 45 minutes of sleep. The nurse gave me a shot of steroids for the baby’s lungs. At that point it was no longer a matter of if my baby is born premature but when, and I could say goodbye to the vaginal delivery that I had hoped for. Dr. Skala (the perinatologist) came for rounds with the residents on the high-risk team. They sent a tech to do a formal ultrasound. It took about an hour and he took way more shots than a normal ultrasound. It was about 10am when he was finished and they transferred me to the anti-partum unit where they keep the women waiting to go into labor. Then our entire Saturday was mostly waiting. We have to wait for the radiologist to review the ultrasound and state his findings. We were waiting all day yesterday. They are tracking the baby’s heart rate every 6 hours and have me on an IV. Dad came to visit and take mom home around 6pm. Shawn refused to leave me until we hear back on the ultrasound. Finally at 7pm they said I could go have dinner in the cafeteria, but I would be back to no food after that. It was the fist I had eaten in 30 hours. We were back in the room by 8pm and decided to try and rest why we waited for the results which brings me to this morning. It is now 5:30 Sunday morning. I got another steroid shot for the baby’s lungs. I was told the residents would do rounds about 7 and hopefully by 8 or 9 the doctor would be in to discuss the plan of attack. Basically we need to know why the fluid is low and if Kennedy’s lungs and kidneys are working. Her heartbeat has been good the whole time. We are of course hoping for the best, but I fear the worst. I realize that no matter what my baby will be born early. I hate the thought of her being poked and proded and having tubes everywhere. She was only measuring 1 pound 3 ounces by Saint Mary’s estimate. It’s just so tiny. 30 weeks is ok for a premature baby, but the fact that she is measuring only 25-26 weeks is what has me worried. I am so scared. I’m scared to have a c-section, I’m scared she won’t cry when they take her out, but most of all I’m scared she wont make it. It’s hard to explain how you can have such strong feelings for this little person inside you who you have never met. I love her so much. I have been looking forward to being her mom, but please God just not today. Give her a little while longer to grow inside of me- to get stronger and healthier.

5/11/08 10:30am Ok well, so much for extra time. I am having the c-section today. In as little as 4 ½ hours I will be having my baby delivered. They think the placenta is causing the blood flow from the baby to be interrupted. They tell me she should weigh about 2 pounds. It is very overwhelming right now. Shawn left to go home to pick up some stuff do he can be back by 3. I got a shower so at least I feel semi-normal again. Now its just waiting.